Christmas Eve

This Christmas is going to be different than any I have ever had before.  First and foremost because of the economy.  We struggled to get the few presents we bought.  Jason and I decided that we wouldn't buy anything this year.  This will be the first year in my life that I will not get a present.  It's not about presents though,  it's more about watching the nieces and nephews open their presents.  The second reason it will be different is because I'm thinking about how this will hopefully be the last year that I am "the old me". 

I have made a commitment to myself for the beginning of the year.  I'm going to take the diet I will have after surgery (when I can eat solid foods again) and start using that a guide so I can get used to it ahead of time.  I don't want this whole process to be a shock to my system.  I so want this to be sucessful.  I often find that I don't think about the surgery itself.  Just the after.  I have never had any sort of surgery before (thank god) so I am a little nervous and I try not to think about it.  I wonder if this is healthy?  I could look at it as if I am just so ready to start my new life that I'm not sweating the surgery itself or I could look at it like I'm in denial and don't want to face the possible pain. 

Something that has been on my mind a lot is my family.  I haven't told any of them what I have been going through.  I haven't told any of them about my decision to have surgery.  I have always been afraid of what they would think about every decision I have ever made.  This is too important for me to take the risk.  The closer I get though, the more I desire to tell them.  They live 1500 miles away and they don't get to see me except on facebook.  I keep thinking that maybe I will just write a letter to a few of them and let them know.  I could explain to them my reasons behind the decision and the research that I have done.  I just don't know what to do. 

On the plus side I am feeling much better with the medicine than I have been without it.  I am so ready to get on the path to my new life.