Post surgery

On May 6 I had my surgery.  Since then I have been through a whirl wind of learning how to eat.  I have lost a total of 55 lbs and I am starting to feel really good.

On Saturday I started my liquid diet.  I will do it for 16 days and then have surgery.  I am telling you that is such a head trip.  My head tells me that I am starving, even if my stomach doesn't agree.  I am doing okay though.  My protein shakes taste like ass.  At least I'm getting protien though. 

I can't wait for surgery to be over.  I can start living my REAL life then.

Life changes

Well I had started to feel that this journey was never going anywhere.  I had finally had my final visit with the surgeon and finished up everything else I needed to do in order to submit to insurance.  That same night I got a sore throat.  We went out to dinner and I could barely swallow.  I took some ibuprophin hoping that would help.  I woke up the next morning and I had spots all over me and I couldn't swallow at all.  I went to Medic USA and saw the doctor there (fever 101.5).  He said that he believed I had severe tonsillitis and an absess on one of my tonsils.  I went to Target and got my perscription (amoxicillian) and met friends for dinner. While in target I started noticing the bottoms of my feet hurt when I would step a certain way. It was to the point that I couldn't eat anything so I just drank glass after glass of water.  I woke up the next morning and the rash was so much worse. I still couldn't swallow, but now there was so much (what i thought was infection) inside my mouth that I couldn't talk anymore.  As soon as Jason got off of work I made him take me to the hospital.  I spent 9 hours in the hospital.  They said it was some sort of allergic reaction, but they didn't know to what.  By this time I was burning up with fever and could barely stay concious.  They gave me some steroids and fluids.  My fever spiked up to 102.9 and both my husband and I were shocked when they discharged me with instructions to see my family doctor the following day.  I couldn't get an appointment the following day and I slept all the way through that day.  I don't remember it at all.  Early the next morning the doctors office called me back.  I could barely walk and couldn't talk.  My rash had progressed to the point that it was joining together and felt like it was on fire.  I went to my family doctor at 11 am.  He walked in the room and saw me sitting there, stopped dead in his tracks, and said "Oh my god.  You have Stephens Johnson syndrome."  I said, "What is that and will I be ok?"  He said we need to get you to a dermatologist and into the hospital NOW.  He called and got me an appointment right away.  By 11:20 I was in the dermatologists office and he was calling to get me a room in the hospital.  At 11:30, I walked through the doors of the hospital and into admissions.  They took me to my room and a doctor called Aswad told me that my doctor (family doctor) had demanded I be sent to the University of Virginia medical center right away.  I had to wait about 12 hours before there was a bed available, but honestly I don't remember.  I told Jason afterward that it felt like minutes because I was so out of it.  Valley Transport took me the 2.5 hours to UVA and when I got there they had an ICU room waiting.  My vitals were very low when I got there and I was very dehydrated.  My kidneys weren't functioning normally and my blood sugar and pressure was fluctuating wildly.  My fever was 103.8. 

The next morning a doctor came in and told me that they believed I had something called either erythema multiforma major or Stephens Johnson Syndrome.  The dermatologist team came in and told them to stop all medications except pain meds and saline.  They punched a whole out of my shoulder to biopsy and they said pain management and a team of doctors were what was going to "pull me through this thing."  I used my cell phone to google Stephens Johnson Syndrome (big mistake) and I had trouble not freaking out.  Inside I was screaming.  I was going to die.  It was pretty certain.  I had several days of misdiagnosis that this thing that a head start.  I couldn't walk, couldn't talk.  How could I die.  I have so many things I want to do.  I wanted to lose weight.  Have a baby.  I wanted to travel.  I wanted to do something to change people lives.  My family didn't get to say goodbye.  Who is going to take care of Jason.  He can't find his own socks.  My dog would miss me and my cats wouldn't have anyone to clean up their nasty hairballs.  Would my husband be able to love again?  Would she be good to him? 

When you can't talk a lot can go through your mind.  I was scared. I talked to my mom for awhile that night.  I told her all the things I haven't said.  That I love her.  That I miss her.  I told her about my dreams of having a daughter with her fiery temper.  Apparently I talked to her with the nurses in the room because when I was more coherent she asked if I wanted to call my mom and I had to explain.....my mom died in 2003.  For awhile though, she was there with me, plain as day.  She told me so much about how strong I can be.  She explained that I was her strength all those years. Her little blue eyed inspiration.  I realize that this could have been a combo of medication and fever halucination, or if you are religious you may believe that she was there to help me through.  It doesn't matter what caused it.  Whatever it was, it helped me.  The why and how is unimportant to me.  After that I started "miraculously" healing.  My whole body began to blister and pop (like a burn) and after the "burns" would pop, my skin would begin to peel off.  My back was the worst.  Each time they would turn me over for the bed pan, pieces of skin would stick to the pads they had underneath me.  It was the worst pain I have ever had in my life!

The big challenge then became making sure I didn't get an infection and making sure that I got some protein in.  I had to drink at least a protein shake at each meal or I would have to get a feeding tube.  On the 4th day in ICU I began to feel like I could walk again, but they were reluctant to let me try.  I decided I was tired of the bed pan so I finally got a nurse to walk with me and I did it.  That was when they decided to let move to a regular room.  It was only a few days until they let me come home.  I ended up losing a lot of skin.  All of it off my back, most of my legs and arms.  My face was the first to peel (I was still in the hospital) and my feet and hands were the very last.  When the bottoms of my feet came off, it was in big sheets and again I couldn't walk. 

So I missed the most stressful part of the whole bariatric process.  When they submit for insurance approval and you have to wait...and wait...and wait.  My waiting was occupied with the hospital visit and recovery. Lucky for me it has been a couple of months and I am already healed.  All my doctors have signed off, insurance approved me and I'm having surgery on May 6, 2013!!

Everything has to have an end. To me I hate leaving things undone.  Especially if i'm reading a book or watching a series of movies.  It's almost like an obsession until it's finished.  This path to surgery has started to feel the same.  At times It feels like it will never get here and I'm never going to know how this journey ends.  Part of me is terrified I will have went through all of this and the insurance company will deny my application. I am trying very hard to stay positive but i'm having a very hard time doing that.  Time is going soooo slow!

What a day this has started out to be. No one wanted to work this morning. I didn't either, but at least I didn't try to call out.  If everyone would have succeeded in calling out, I would have been alone.

Kim (My Best Friend in VA) woke up in the middle of the night. Her daughter was throwing up. Kimber told her she had to come anyway. Kim is pissed now because Kimber is letting others go home early, but not her. I'm trying to stay out of that one.

It's hard being the boss and being friends with your employees and your boss. Kimber and I were friends when she was a teacher and I was her aide. Kimber and I got promoted at the same time.  She became second in command.  I became a teacher.

A year later, I got promoted again to supervisor.Over this summer (a few years after my promotion) our world exploded and they got rid of our boss. She was a bit of a tyrant and never at work. We never saw it coming. Kimber got promoted again. Now she's the boss.Kim started working for us. I'm friends with her.

She's now 3rd in command, I'm second and Kimber first. Kim and Kimber are NOT friends. I have a headache.

Anyway, I'm at work.  Getting classroom Ideas.  I am rearranging my room. Better get back to work. I'm sure I'll write more later.

Yesterday was over all a good Christmas. 

I got a little upset about not having any presents to open. 

It was stupid to be upset. 

I was the only person in the house not to open a present, but it's not like I didn't get anything.

I got a 100.00 gift card for Jason and I to cracker barrel. 

I finally talked myself down from being upset. 

I mean some people lost their houses yesterday. 

I still have a roof over my head. 

Also, a boy from my hometown died yesterday.  He had some viral infection.

How scary is that?

 

We had a snow day today.

It started snowing at around 5:15 this morning.

At first we were just going to delay.

The roads kept getting worse and worse. 

 

We had a parent that complained because we were closed.

She said she was very upset. 

We are a childcare. This is just unbelieveable.

Uhh no, we are a preschool. 

Also if the roads are bad and someone dies who is responsible?

I understand that her job doesn't shut down because of snow.

However, we have to think of safety. 

It says in our policy that we close on days that it snows.

She's just being a bully.

As usual.

 

Jason might not get to come home for a few days. 

Especially if the snow keeps up.

Thank God for snow days.

 



other blogs

I think I am addicted to reading bariatric blogs.

Their stories are so inspirational. 

I also decided that instead of trying to be gramatically correct I am going to write as I think it.

This might mean a lot of entering and spacing.

 

So today is Christmas Day.  We haven't really done much.

We dipped our candy in chocolate yesterday.

Today we are all being lazy and watching tv.

I have been reading a blog of someone who had gastric bypass.

After she lost her goal weight, so got pregnant! 

 

I have wanted to be a mommy since Jason and I got married.

11 years of wishing and hoping.

I was hoping my new medicine would help me get pregnant.

I want to wait until after surgery now. 

I don't want to be unhealthy and have an unhealthy baby.

30 years old having a baby?

I can only hope! 

Christmas Eve

This Christmas is going to be different than any I have ever had before.  First and foremost because of the economy.  We struggled to get the few presents we bought.  Jason and I decided that we wouldn't buy anything this year.  This will be the first year in my life that I will not get a present.  It's not about presents though,  it's more about watching the nieces and nephews open their presents.  The second reason it will be different is because I'm thinking about how this will hopefully be the last year that I am "the old me". 

I have made a commitment to myself for the beginning of the year.  I'm going to take the diet I will have after surgery (when I can eat solid foods again) and start using that a guide so I can get used to it ahead of time.  I don't want this whole process to be a shock to my system.  I so want this to be sucessful.  I often find that I don't think about the surgery itself.  Just the after.  I have never had any sort of surgery before (thank god) so I am a little nervous and I try not to think about it.  I wonder if this is healthy?  I could look at it as if I am just so ready to start my new life that I'm not sweating the surgery itself or I could look at it like I'm in denial and don't want to face the possible pain. 

Something that has been on my mind a lot is my family.  I haven't told any of them what I have been going through.  I haven't told any of them about my decision to have surgery.  I have always been afraid of what they would think about every decision I have ever made.  This is too important for me to take the risk.  The closer I get though, the more I desire to tell them.  They live 1500 miles away and they don't get to see me except on facebook.  I keep thinking that maybe I will just write a letter to a few of them and let them know.  I could explain to them my reasons behind the decision and the research that I have done.  I just don't know what to do. 

On the plus side I am feeling much better with the medicine than I have been without it.  I am so ready to get on the path to my new life.

Hoops and Hopes

So I promised to tell you about my journey on the bariatric front.  Since I made my initial visit to the surgeon I have had multiple rounds of blood work.  My nutritionist and my PCP have been trying to figure out if I should have medicine for a mild thyriod condition or not.  My NUT says yes, my PCP said no.  Finally after 3 months, I am now taking Levothyroxine for my thyroid condition. 

One of the required tests was an abdominal ultrasound.  This is where you take off all your clothes and put on a hospital gown.  Then the technician takes you in and has you lay on a table.  She then takes the ultrasound machine and proceeds to push the wand through your body (it feels like it anyway) to look at all your organs.  I also had to get a full blood panel taken. 

Another test the require is a sleep study.  My doctor was hilarious!  He was so flamboyant.  He had me do an at home sleep study first.  When the results from that came in he told me it showed moderate sleep apnea.  He then sent me to the hospital to do a cpap titration which is where they watch you sleep with forced air and without.  I did excellent on this.  Since I'm going through the program I have to have it treated.  If I wasn't going to have surgery, I would not need a CPAP. 

I have went through psych visits and have another coming up.  This is to make sure I'm emotionally ready for surgery.  This past week I went in for classes to learn how to eat, excersize and live the lifestyle.  I'm sooo ready for this to be over and have the surgery done. 

Sometimes I have to remind myself to take a deep breath and relax!  My final assignments were due in my classes and of course blackboard chose that moment to go down!  I was told to e-mail them so of course I did!  I check my grades only to find a big giant F staring back at me.  I had to tell myself NOT to have a panic attack.  I e-mailed and called my instructor.  It did no good.  She didn't answer and hasn't emailed back.  Of course grades are due today and I can't imagine that I got to her in time.  I'm sure she's one of those people (unlike me) who are always on top of things and do things early.  I guess this is really my fault . I shouldn't wait until the last minute for everything!!  So I probably failed this class.  That means that my GPA will tank and it will probably take me until graduation to get it back up.  Guess who has to really buckle down and get going on classes?  Yep...ME!

On the bariatric front, I have been jumping through hoops the last few months.  I have had appointments with the psychologist, abdominal ultrasounds, 2 sleep studies, lots of blood work, and gotten all sorts of medications!  UGH.

I will post more on that later!